The catcher in the rye - a book I am going to get my children to read once they are born and become teenagers

Helloz my blog! Nice to see you after my long hiatus. I will tell you all that I have been upto sometime else. Today I just finished reading a book called "The catcher in the rye". I enjoyed it throughly, so I think I'll talk about that first.

It has a very distinctive type of narration wherein it seems the author is literally speaking out a story to the reader. Like he's a friend or something. He mentioned in the book that he likes the books which after you finish, you wish you knew the author and you could call him and talk to him anytime you wished. And I feel exactly the same right now! Though I din't exactly find the book live upto the hoopla around its fame. Neverthless, i liked it at a different level. It very finely captures the confusion, the loneliness, fears and demons of a teenager and I could almost relate to it.

It reminded me of my high school time when I felt disgusted by the "phonies" around me. Some of the phony teachers and students I went to high school with. I remember I was about 15 and I had this physics teacher who was one of the biggest phonies of my time. Like all of us, often he was in a situation where he was asked questions way out of his league. And instead and admitting that he doesn't know it, he would give the students absolutely lame excuses like"I am very busy today, can u see me next week". He was so phony that I must admit that sometimes I actually did dig out some really tough problems which I knew were totally out of his league and took them to him just to put him in an embarassing situation and hear his new excuse :) I know that's bad but that look on his face was hard to resist ! lol!!!

Anyway, what I mean to say is that I wish I had read the book sooner in my life probably it could have eased the loneliness and confusion of my teenage. I am mentioning the following lines which I particularly appreciated very much for the beauty of the idea and the simplicity of the language. Its an advise every teenager and young adult should heed:

Mr. Vinson (a professor) saying to Holden Cauldfield (the young author) emphasising the importance of education and school and how he should not keep flunking tests all the time:

"I think that one of these days," he said, "you're going to have to find out where you want to go. And then you've got to start going there. But immediately. You can't afford to lose a minute. Not you...... " Among other things, you'll find that you're not the first person who was ever confused and frightened and even sickened by human behavior. You're by no means alone on that score, you'll be excited and stimulated to know. Many, many men have been just as troubled morally and spiritually as you are right now. Happily, some of them kept records of their troubles. You'll learn from them--if you want to. Just as someday, if you have something to offer, someone will learn something from you. It's a beautiful reciprocal arrangement. And it isn't education. It's history. It's poetry." He stopped and took a big drink out of his highball. Then he started again. Boy, he was really hot. I was glad I didn't try to stop him or anything. "I'm not trying to tell you," he said, "that only educated and scholarly men are able to contribute something valuable to the world. It's not so. But I do say that educated and scholarly men, if they're brilliant and creative to begin with--which, unfortunately, is rarely the case--tend to leave infinitely more valuable records behind them than men do who are merely brilliant and creative. They tend to express themselves more clearly, and they usually have a passion for following their thoughts through to the end. And--most important--nine times out of ten they have more humility than the unscholarly thinker... "Something else an academic education will do for you. If you go along with it any considerable distance, it'll begin to give you an idea whatsize mind you have. What it'll fit and, maybe, what it won't. After a while, you'll have an idea what kind of thoughts your particular size mind should be wearing. For one thing, it may save you an extraordinary amount of time trying on ideas that don't suit you, aren't becoming to you. You'll begin to know your true measurements and dress your mind accordingly."

I also liked this sentence:

'The mark of the immature man is that he wants to die nobly for a cause, while the mark of the mature man is that he wants to live humbly for one"

So true! Aint it!!!

Different Folks, Different Strokes

I have had the oppotunity to closely know people from various parts of the country and I think each of them has something peculiar about them. you meet a kashmiri... they'll have enough to contribute to your knowledge about the kashmir issue, about how the kashmiri population has decreased. they'll have stories to tell u about rogan-josh , kashmiri qawah , pasmina shawls , jamawar embroideries , dal lake ... thnx to isha dhar, I even know how to swear in kashmiri .. then you meet bengalis... well, I have met a lot of 'em... they are the people very possessive about their culture and their language. Even they have enough to enrich u with bengali sweets and durga puja and rabindra sangeet ... thnx to somleena I can even understand bengali partly now. I envy the beautiful skin the bengali women have ...though barring a few most of those I have come across seem pretty stingy and I am not saying this just becoz Sudipto has not given me my birthday gift. This happened with me while travelling on a train from kolkatta to delhi. My cell-phone was not allowing me to make any outgoing calls when I urgently needed to make one. I asked about five people around my compartment. The surnames on the reservation chart confirmed they were bongs. I almost begged for one call on the cell-phone and incidently all of them claimed to be phone-less ( though that's a different story that I could hear phone ringing all thru the journey) . And then there are these marathis... they are scary rather intimidating sometimes. I dunno whether its true or a farce to scare others away but sometimes they are rude. I was travelling in a public transport bus in this maharashtrian city I was putting up at for a while. Usually the distance I travelled costed me some three and a half bucks. I gave a ten rupee note and said "saade teen". he gave me four papers which looked like tickets , three in one color and fourth in another and asked for 3 bucks more. Asking for the rest of change, i said "baaki ka change de deejiye "... mr. conductor replies " aap bola saade teen toh diya na saade teen ticket ab teen rupaiya aur do " the mistake of my life i forget to mention "saade teen rupaye".. and if you think mr. conductor was dumb you are wrong... he just wants to be nasty to those who can't speak their tongue... but then they are nice, calm, non-aggressive people who don't really interfere with others' business...
And then there are south-indians... yoginder, u might get cross on me for using the term "south indian" and remember all the exceptions in the good things mentioned below is u.. ok , so i would categorically state ... I have closely known kannadigas, tamilians, andhrites and malyalis, in that order. And barring a few these are the most humble and down-to-earth people I have ever met. They come across as people the most content and happy being what they are. yes, most of them don't really want to talk in language other their own but then rest is fine...
I was born and brought up in this city called delhi. And I want to say a lot of things pertaining to the people who hail from city including me without being blasphemous. This is a city of shammers, pretenders. They sham day in and day out. Though I have not calculated but their IQ seems to be much less than they show it out to be. They are the ones least sure of what they are and what they want to be accepted as. They are over conscious of the designer they are wearing , the swanky cell-phone they are holding , the fashion quotient of the car they are driving and what they are thought of by the rest of the world...they might not be capable of holding and voicing their opinions on most of the things but they are quite capable of putting an air of arrogance around them as if they are the best by the virtue of the geography of their city. Besides, they don't even have a language to talk privately in which others cant understand!!! huh!!!
And what the hell i hope i m not but probably i too am one of them...

I wish .............................

. I wish I could be voluntarily invisible.

. I wish the company I work for had no firewalls.

. I wish I had wings which let me fly @the speed of the fastest airplane. I really wanna fly. Its what I dream about the most often.

. I wish I could fly air-planes.

. I wish I could sing really well.

. I wish I could play the six string like Joe Satriani.

. I wish I had the best wardrobe in the entire world.

. I wish I owned every brand of footwear ever been created on this planet.

. I wish I could know Oprah Winfrey personally. I respect that woman so much.

. I wish I could meet the Nazis at Auschwitz concentration camps and ask them how they got the heart to do what they did.

. I wish I could read people's mind.

. I wish I could multi-exist.

. I wish I could insure relationships.

. I wish I could Spear Britney.

. As much as I am happy about monica and chandler getting the twin boy-girl , I wish they could bear their own kids.

. I wish Joey finally found someone reallllly nice and lived happily married ever after.

. I wish friends never ended without getting monotonous.

. I wish there was a short cut to success.

. I wish I could be better at keeping in touch with people.

. I wish the world of John Galt really existed.

. Shopping can be so therapeutic! I wish I were not as much of a shopaholic.

. I wish Rhett butler and Scarlett 'O hara had a better ending.

. I wish I could cook reallllly realllly well.

. I wish I could make movies someday

. I wish I could be a good photographer someday.

. I wish old age and loneliness were less scary.

. I wish I could never be emotionally dependent on anybody.

. I wish calvin and hobbes were actually existent.

. I wish some people in this world had a little more brain than they actually do especially the likes of Paris Hilton and Rakhi Sawant.

. I wish himesh reshamiya never chose singing for a profession.

. I wish I could concentrate on all the things at all the times.

. I wish I could I could swim across the Pacific Ocean.

. I wish I could visit moon once.

. I wish Delhi was a safer city for women.

. I wish parents and teachers never did our thought control "we don't need no thought control"

. I wish I could eat chocolates every meal and never fear about "calories". I wish weight of human body was not a function of how much and what humans eat.

. I wish human race could someday in practice transcend the barriers of caste, creed and religion.

. I wish the biggest wars in the history took place for a reason worth fighting for. I wish Kashmir issue was resolved someday. I wish history could do without it.

. I wish India did not have to bear the brunt of Arjun Singh's decision to apply the Mandal formula in central educational institutions now and Mandal Commission's policies previously . I wish the government could convince my generation enough for the need of reservation.
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A BETTER CHOICE

Part I
Once upon a time there was a boy named Fufoonoo. Fufoonoo along with Tozo the dog, Mimi the cat, Malli the butterfly and Hoho the elephant used to live in Timbuktoo. Timbuktoo was the best city on the face of earth but the inhabitants of the city had to follow one strange law - Every inhabitant can have only one friend at a time. Fufoonoo had just moved into this city and had no friends. One night he was sitting near the river , feeling very lonesome and depressed. Tozo saw Fufoonoo and went ahead to befriend him. "Hi Fufoonoo"
"Hi" Fufoonoo replied.
"Why are you so sad ?"
"I have no friends"
"That's not a problem. I will be your friend. Friends???"
"Hmmm. Ok"
Fufoonoo and Tozo shook hands and that handshake gave Fufoonoo a reason to smile for the first time in a long long time. The two buddies used to hang out in Timbuktoo together each day. They played ping-pong in Tozo's kennel during the day and video-games in Fufoonoo's room in the evenings. Tozo had a world which was so different from Fufonoo's and yet so similar. He could make him see things he never knew existed. They could just have so much fun together that life for both of them seemed like a never ending roller-coaster ride . Tozo would tell him about how his modelling job with the company he had been endorsing was going and Fufoonoo would tell him his own stories about school , sports, teachers, his ambitions , etc. Fufoonoo felt he had finally found the friend he had been looking for.

One evening when the two were hanging out near the river , Fufoonoo saw Mimi. Mimi, the Cat. She was the most famous personality in the town. After her famous cameo in a blockbuster Hollywood movie, she had become the talk of the entire town.
Fufoonoo could see Mimi staring at him. Envy was palpable in her lovely green eyes. That night fufoonoo lay in his bed, thinking about Mimi. He remembered how she was looking at him with those eyes of hers. His mind had already started comparing what he had and what he could have had. Mimi was like an exotic creature who could teach him so much about the world everyone wanted to be a part of. His mind was already basking in the attention the entire Timbuktoo would give him if he befriends Mimi. Everything was fine with Tozo , he thought, he is just a little dull, mundane, uncool !!! huh !!! Probably a smart , coveted guy like him deserved a better friend , someone more complete, someone like Mimi.

Anyways, next day very usually Tozo called Fufoono for a game of ping-pong. Fufonoo refused and insisted that he would like to go for a stroll near the levy again as yesterday. Tozo obviously preferred the game but since his dear friend was insisting, he agreed. Mimi as expected was there again. She fluttered her eyes and said
"Hi Fufoonoo.. Can I be your friend ?"

Fufoonoo knew if he befriends Mimi, he has to let go of Tozo but then the temptation was too hard to resist.

It was too hard for Tozo to let go of his dear friend but since Fufoonoo had made up his mind he wasn't left with much choice.

Part II

Life had changed for Fufoonoo. Mimi and Fufoonoo were the talk of entire Timbuktoo. Fufoonoo could not do much be glad that he had found so much happiness in Mimi. Every evening they would meet up at the town's best coffee shop and hang out at all the best places in the town. Fufoonoo couldn't help but enjoy the fast, glamorous life Mimi was sharing with him. Till few days back all he would do is loiter around on the deserted banks of the river and now suddenly he was meeting mayor of the city on Monday with Mimi, going to the premiere of a Tom Hanks starring film on Wednesday with Mimi, visiting the best places in town with Mimi... so much because of Mimi... he couldn't thank enough for her... She was adding so much to who he was. He was learning so much from her and from being with her.
Days were passing, months were slipping by, excitement was fading, pace was decreasing, hollowness was setting in. Something was missing, he didn't know what.
And then there were times Fufoonoo before going to bed in the night would think of that deserted bank of the river. Next evening Fufoonoo went to that same old place.
He could see someone sitting on the rocks and on paying a little more attention he realized its no one else but Timbuktoo's own Beauty queen, Malli. Malli was known to be the prettiest thing in the entire town.

"Hi Malli" Fufoonoo said as he looked at that beautiful , bright creature.
"Hi. If I remember you are Mimi's friend. Right ???"
"That I am, but there is more to me than just being Mimi's friend. I am Fufoonoo. I moved to Timbuktoo about a year back. what about you ?" It was getting hard for him to take his eyes off her as she talked.
" I was born and brought up in Timbktoo. But all these years I have been very lonely. I have no friends right now. I am known to be very beautiful. I am aware that people get lost in my beauty so much so that they forget to know who I am, what I think and how I feel."

Fufoonoo sat there and wondered isn't her story just the same as mine.
The pretty colors, the fluttering wings and that moment were becoming too inviting for him. The world seemed to have stopped for him.
"You and Mimi seem quite happy together. Its nice to see you two."
" Not really. There is more than meets the eye, Malli"
"Hmmm. Anyways, its getting late for me. Catch you later some time. Bye"

She went away but befuddled Fufoono's mind like never before. As he walked down the street to meet Mimi at the coffee shop, he realized he was still thinking about the beautiful butterfly. So engrossed was he in what he was thinking that he didn't quite notice that he was already in front of Mimi. The evening was going as it always did with Mimi and Fufoonoo was increasingly feeling the ecstasy that he could have had had it been Malli not Mimi and also feeling the burden of what he shared with Mimi.
The thoughts in his mind soon garbed his words that soon followed.
"Mimi. I need to talk to you about something. I think I need to be friends with someone else not you"
"What??? Why fufoonoo? We are so happy together"
"Mimi nothing is wrong , I just feel I can be more happy with someone else. I feel we are too different, incapable of fulfilling each others voids"
"Fufoonoo but that's how I have always been, your voids were perfectly filled when we started off but what makes me insufficient for you now?...... If you wanna go, its too much against my pride and my well wishing for you to stop you. GO "
"Thanks Mimi. God bless you."

Part III

Fufoonoo went to the same place as yesterday and found Malli sitting at the same place once again. He saw her bright colors and could hardly hold back.
"Hi Malli. I am so glad I found you, I wanna talk to you"
"Hi Fufoonoo. C'Mon sit. Why do you sound so restless"
And so fufoonoo started with his story.
"Malli. I came to Timbuktoo. First few months were really lonely. I had no friend. And then I met Tozo. Tozo was the first real friend I have ever had. We were doing perfectly fine and then I met Mimi. Meeting Mimi made me realize that there is so much more I need to learn in this world which being with Tozo I was missing out. She made me see the things , meet people I never knew existed. I felt it was not fair for me to be with Tozo when deep down I was not really satisfied being with him. So both of us parted our ways and I became friends with Mimi. With Mimi it was going the way I had always expected it to. But after the shine went away I realized it was so hollow. I was so hollow. She was just what she has always been but probably I wanted more than that. The final blow was caused when I ..."
"When you what ????"
"When I met you. When I sat here on this very place talking to you yesterday, I felt I have finally found what I really wanted. You fulfill me Malli. Your beauty arrests me. Your words interest me. Your thoughts motivate me . I have denied Mimi my friendship for you. Can we be friends?"

Malli looked at him through her piercing eyes. There was a moment of silence, nobody said anything for a while. Malli took a deep breath and started saying
"Fufoonoo. I think I should share with you my part of the story. Hmmm... you must be knowing Hoho."
"Oh yes! Hoho, the elephant. I do know him"
"Hoho and me had been friends since... since forever ... Hoho loved to play ping-pong. He was chosen to play ping-pong in the world cup few years back. Since then Hoho became so engrossed in ping-pong that he almost forgot taking time out for me. It was like ping-pong was the friend for him now. He didn't need me anymore. Our differences grew so much that we stopped talking. Its not that he made other friends but its just that our dimensions started varying too much. Since those days I am sitting here , waiting for him. Its not that I think it would be wrong for me to look out for other friends, the friends which are probably capable of being even better friends to me than Hoho. But its just that I want to pursue it more. I want to wait. I choose to wait.
Fufoonoo, your mistake number one.. you were being so presumptuous that you took it for granted that the entire world is waiting here to be friends with you. You presumed Mimi will never quit you as you quit Tozo. You presumed I would be more than willing to befriend u while you left Mimi. You should have ensured your back-ups...
Second, Remember each one of the friends u had, as much had the right to abandon you as you did over them. Its just that you chose to abandon them and not otherwise.
Fufoonoo, there is always a better option... there always is another life that you could have had than this. There is no end to the happiness one can have and no end to the sorrow. We always want more than what we have. Our demands would always be more than our means to satisfy them. Its not that you can settle for what you have and never aim higher, but weigh your possible options and settle for what suits you the best.
Grass is always, will always be greener on the other side.
But life is all about the choices that you make. You choose certain things , just like those things choose you and then the course that follows is the tandem of the mutual choices. For example, Tozo chose you and you chose Tozo and you both grew up in tandem to be two friends who respected each other and the time you spent with each other. You chose Mimi and she chose you. Your tandem was you learning new things from her and hers was the amount of fun she had with you.
But when one of the choices is unchosen the tandem stops. So when you chose to unchoose your friends you should have been prepared to face the cession of tandem in your life. You were lucky to have been able to restart the tandem in your life at times before. But I guess not any more.
I am sorry Fufoonoo. I have yet not chosen to leave the tandem I had with Hoho just like he has not done that with me. We had our differences but I need to wait for him to realize they are not irreconcilable or for me to realize they are irreconcilable"

She stood up and walked away. Fufoonoo sat there all alone just as he was when he came to Timbuktoo.

It wasn't that bad guys

Well, happened to catch another of the grand bollywood films 'Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna', popularly called KANK. And almost everyone whom i've talked to about the movie seems to find it a long piece of crap. But I think I need to confess ... I LIKED IT... Few things in the movie have left an indelible impression on my mind and those few things happen to be a little more than visual treats like Abhishek, Arjun Rampal, John Abraham and Shah Rukh, who I absoluetly drool over.

Yes, it was really dumb to see a bride, all decked up sitting on a bench in the park on her wedding day introspecting or rather waiting for her knight in shining armor who finally did appear. Well, I guess that's what Shah Rukh is best suited to play - every woman's dreamboy.
It was also a little funny to see Mr. senior Bachan or 'Sexy Sam', sexing up with the hot babes and hitting upon chandigarh !!! But that's Ok, All men are the same... gross!!!

What I basically liked is the concept ... The juncture where the johar boy has shown Sam asking Maya to abandon his own son for Dev so as to privelege him an oppurtunity for true love which she herself is incapable of giving , seemed to be the most intelligent scene in the film. Secondly, I also liked Maya's conviction in her love for Dev when she calls it an act of selfishness but not a mistake. You can't be sorry for being in love ... right ???
And finally, that concluding sentence of the film ... Ain't it true ???
The reason for getting married has to be, not peer pressure, not parental pressure, not social pressure, not biological pressure, not friendship, not some sorta compromise, not fear of loneliness but love and only love. And I think this is what will not eliminate but minimise the chances of discontentment and infidelity and maximise the chances of happiness for the rest of the life.
I vehemently proclaim that I DO NOT support the decision of both the characters of cheating on their spouses, especially Dev because he had a kid. I kinda belong to that old school of thought that marriage is a commitment once made, must be fulfilled till the end of life and beyond but then to get the strength to do so will come only if one marries 'the right one'.

Finally I would like conclude by saying that Mr. Karan Johar could have done better than making the characters being thrown out of their respective homes and punished for 3 years which seemed like an exile and thereby trying to be politically correct. I think he should have been a little more forthright about the issue....

Well, my rating of the movie 3.5/5....

PS : And I know that I sound like a marriage expert but those were just ramblings in my mind waiting to be put in words. Funda maarne mein achha lagta hai !!!

*** The Space Between Us ***

The space between us
vast, wide, endless
worlds apart
losing myself
addicted to you
colors, so new
bridges so few
wanna reach out
don't know how ?

can't see you die
don't want you to live
upheavels within
identities spin...
wicked innocence,
honest pretence,
loving hatred,
screaming silence,
darkening light,
ugly beauty,
humiliating respect,
familiar strangers,
sane madness,
happy sadness,
true lie,
a hi or a bye ...

The space between us
shrank while expanding
We forgot, we were running
in circles never intersecting.

YEAH!!! I AM A SOFTWARE ENGINEER !!!

Ok... so the date today is June 15th ... exactly one year since I left my home and set out for my first job. I had finally managed to do away with four years of engineering. Sometimes I am appalled when I think back about the impression I had about 'ENGINEERS' when I was 13 years old .... Used to think of ultra-sonic planes, wright brothers, you know how the 'ENGINEERS' create the stuff that moves the world. And today i am one and life is well , a little different from what I thought it would be...
A decade after that first teenage year, in the fourth year of college when i got this job, I was surprised at how fate had brought me here. I mean, I have never been that brilliant, I have never had the brains of Einstein as far as I know myself, I have been quite an average student throughout, I really didn't think I possessed much to deserve a job that I thought it is till i actually started it. All I could do is thank the guy who recruited me ... I don't know what exactly he thought I possess to fit into their criteria of selection process, I didn't even exactly know what I am being selected for. I was just too happy that I had not passed out of college unemployed !!!

Now suddenly I was part of that flamboyant software industry so in vogue where software engineers code their life out, program their days and nights, keep flying to and fro from the silicon valley and are paid in figures hard for me to imagine. The first few days in my software company were so COOL... you know how it feels to see these gizmos around you, and how your attendance is no more marked by the "ROLL no. 35 ... present sir" ritual, instead you have these cards with your own identity on it that you flash on some kinda machine and are marked present automatically. WOW !!! And how important it is for every employee to have his own internet connection, Oh! sorry, secure internet connection so that they are able to browse the internet for the latest dvelopments in the technologies, updation of their skills, journals and blah blah blah... And yes, colorful gibberish yahoo mails are replaced by the classy dull Microsoft outlook which is the prime mode of communication with the guy sitting in the next cubicle.

Well, it didn't take long for the rainbow in the sky to fade away into the lull grim darkness which soon followed. Few more months down the line, the span of time equal to a semester in college was enough to unveil the curtains and expose the hollowness that lay beneath those transient flamboyant frills of this industry.

Welcome to the world of software engineers where ................

1. The day starts with the flashing machine which is nothing more than a watchman on your 8 hr presence.

2. The MS outlook is the central repository for the most watched, most forwarded and most enjoyed mails. The ratio of mails from our boss to the mails not from the boss is something like 1:999.

3. You may or may not have work to do but it is important that you make it look like that you have deadlines to face and tasks to accomplish. Charlatans win !!!

4. Many a times your boss might scold you for using yahoo messenger on your systems but if one fine day you just happen to pay a sudden visit to him you might just discover the familiar icon of the messenger on the boss Pc.

5. Your parents might think their brilliant silicon kid is slogging his a** off, only if they knew forwarding mails is a tough job.

6. Your think you are making loadsa money . And then one fine day you suddenly discover the amount the customer paid your bosses for you and you suddenly feel under paid.

7. When they say you are a "resource", they are not being rude by treating you like a machine they switch on and off as and when they want to .... they are just being respectful by treating you like a worthy brainy treasure their company has.

8. You are "Flexibile" if you are able to obediently take orders.

9. The one who does the maximum work, gets the maximum work.

10. Never finish the work before time or else you'll be loaded with more.

11. Of all the new softwares, the advanced technologies, the sophisticated tools, the one which is a pre-requiste for you to climb the corporate ladder is - MS Excel.

12. You might not even know the syntax of the for loop in your OOP language but if you use the terms like " project going live", "onsite trip", "customer visit", "development box", "production box", "con call" blah blah blah .... you are an smart efficient software engineer"

13. When the company gives you a laptop and a cellphone, please don't mistake it for an incentive, its only a means to get their work done even while you are trying to catch up on your sleep on a week end.

14. Back-Ache is software engineer's pride, an epaulette he wears on his back instead of his shoulder.

15. No one works for the company, or for the love of software... bigger the bucks, bigger the passion.

I have just completed my first year here and Can't help but laugh sardonically at the way world envies the life of software engineers :)
Sometimes we keep wanting certain things in life, keep pining for them and then finally finally attain them ... and then one sudden moment lightening strikes and we ask ourself
"Is this what I set out for ?"